Aiming to Please
by benslerbby
Summary: Some say your thoughts are a weapon; what happens when Olivia tries to make her thoughts a reality? Will they be deadly? Rated M because I never know what the hell I'm gonna write. (Changed the summary because this one suits it better)
1. Chapter 1

**New to the whole fanfic writing thing, but I love bensler so I figured why not. **

**Constructive criticism is always appreciated, but don't be too harsh. **

**Review and let me know if you think I should continue! Xo**

At this point, she's panting and wheezing like she's 70 years old. She should be used to this by now, which is just a thought that tends piss her off, so she runs faster. She should be used to a lot of things by now, like the fact that she can't sleep without having an R rated dream about her very handsome, but very married partner. Or the fact that no matter how many damn signals she throws at him, he doesn't seem to be catching any of them.

"Jesus Christ, Olivia" she breathes out in an irritated tone as her 10 mile run comes to an end. She takes a minute to breathe, then makes her way over to the vendor for a bottle of water.

"Olivia, God do you look beautiful or what? How was your run?" The vendor always greets her the same way; with a big smile on his face and an ice cold water in his hands.

"Paul, I just ran 10 miles and I'm a sweaty mess. You wanna try that again?" Olivia smirked, and gave him the dollar as she took a big gulp of her water.

Paul started off as a stranger, just like everyone does. He's a petite man who's in his 80's, but has the energy of a 30 year old man. She met him 6 months ago when she first started running in Central Park. He and his wife set their vending cart up under a tree for shade, even in the winter. He found out Olivia's a cop on her first run; there had been a guy pushing his girlfriend around, off duty but never resting, Olivia stepped in and shown him her badge. Ever since then, Paul has treated Olivia like a daughter. He told her about his son who died on duty, trying to save his old partner who fell into the wrong crowd.

"No no, my wife should be getting back and you know as well as I do, she'll kick my ass if she's sees me flirting with you." He winked and took a bite of his hot dog.

"I'll kick your ass if you keep flirting with me." Olivia laughed, and took another big sip, finishing off her water.

"I don't doubt it."

"Tell Sheila I said hello and I'm sorry I missed her." Olivia said over her shoulder as she jogged to her car.

It was 5:00 pm, that gave her approximately one hour to drive home and get a shower in order to be ready in time for dinner with Casey. She's been really leaning on her lately, she'd even go as far as calling Casey her best friend. Rush hour traffic was a bitch, but it gave her time to think. Usually thinking would clear her head, but with her thoughts focusing solely on her blue eyed partner, she's been getting flustered and...bothered. That normally wouldn't be a bad thing, however not having someone to make that ache go away, she wasn't feeling it. She pulled into the apartment's garage, and made her way up to the place she called home. As soon as she shut the door, she started pulling her clothes off and making her way to the bathroom for a hot shower. She adjusted the temperature and stepped in, sighing as the hot water made contact with her aching bones.

Leaning against the shower wall, she started thinking about him again. Oh you've gotta be kidding me, she thought as her mind pictured him in ways it should never picture a married man. She ran her hands down her sides and took a deep breath, forcing herself to focus on her shower, her very alone shower. She quickly cleaned her body and conditioned her hair; not wanting to be alone with her thoughts in the shower any longer than she had to, she opened the door and grabbed her towel. When in her room, she decided to call Casey while getting dressed.

"Don't you dare tell me you're cancelling, I swear to God Olivia-" Casey threatened.

"The faith you have in me is smothering, Case. Really. As matter of fact, I'm getting dressed as we speak. I'm calling to ask you what you're wearing."

Casey exhaled into the phone before continuing, "thank God. It's a bar restaurant, Liv. Show a little skin. Sex is the conquest."

"I should have known, you're always up to no good. Not that I'm complaining, I need a good time after the week I've had. I'm gonna get dressed, I'll call you back when I'm on my way." Olivia said as she hung up. She pulled her fitting red dress off the hanger, and put on her black pumps. Knowing her feet would hurt like hell, but at least she'd look good. She blow dried her hair, and added loose curls to the ends. Mascara and a little bit of blush later, she looked in the mirror one last time before making her way to the door.

Olivia made her way over to the bar and ordered 2 red wines, then was shown to her table Casey reserved for them. Casey said she'd be there in 5 minutes when she called her from outside the restaurant. Tick tick tick. Time seemed to be going by slowly for Olivia these days, working endless hours on very little sleep takes it toll on a person. She pulled out her phone to look at the time, realizing she's literally only been in this place for 3 minutes, she put her phone away and took a sip of her wine.

In the corner of her eye, she saw him. Fitted black dress shirt, and his piercing blue eyes. This better not be a figment of my imagination. He waved, and that's when she saw her. Some 20-something, blonde haired, barbie replica. She squinted her eyes and looked back at Elliot. Deciding to go say hi, she stood up and pulled her dress down.


	2. Chapter 2

**BIG** **thank you to cinderella1268 for my one and only review! **

**I hope you enjoy the second chapter, and thank you so much for reading! **

**PLEASE REVIEW AND AGAIN, ENJOY.**

"Small world." That voice. His deep, raspy voice. It gets her every time. Every damn time.

"Yeah, how about that?" Olivia said huskily, as she eyed the blonde.

"Sorry, this is Olivia, my partner." Elliot introduced her as if it were no big deal. Then again, it's probably not. Who the hell knows how he feels.

"Oh my god, so we finally meet. I've heard so much about you." The blonde said happily, with a smile that went from ear to ear.

Olivia smiled briefly and asked, "good things, I hope?"

"Totally, not a bad word was spoken. El here speaks so highly of you." Blonde barbie cheered.

"Is that so?" Olivia fidgeted around, but decided to be blunt. "Well El here, hasn't mentioned you. He tends to keep me out of the loop, what's your name?" She made sure she put extra emphasis on the "El" part. Who the hell did this girl think she was? Better yet, what the hell was Elliot doing?

Elliot jumped in and said her name was Lauren. Somewhere between her flashing her big, bright smile at him, she caught some of what he said. Apparently Lauren's 25, and works in the daycare Eli spends his days in.

Just then, Casey walked over to his table. She said hello to Elliot, and turned to face Olivia. "Sorry I'm late, traffic was a bitch. Wanna go order?" She smiled kindly, as she steered toward a conversation that wouldn't make Olivia question everything in her life.

Olivia stared at Elliot with a look that said this conversation isn't over, a look only he'd understand. When the hell did he start keeping secrets? Why is this such a big deal for her? She smiled quickly and said goodbye as she made her way to to their table.

"So, question of the hour. Who's the girl?" Casey asked curiously as she sipped her wine.

"Apparently that's Lauren, Eli's preschool teacher. The real question is what the hell is he doing with her?" Olivia answered in a buttoned up tone as she looked around for the waiter.

"You're a detective and you can't tell what a date looks like?" Casey asked, staring at Olivia intently.

She felt small. Not the good, I exercised my ass off and ate only salad for 5 months to fit into these jeans, kind of small. The kind of small that made her feel like she didn't matter. Best friends talked to each other. When did they stop talking? Or did she just stop listening? No. She can't do this. She can't keep-

"Hello, I'm Chris and I'll be your waiter this evening. Are you ready to order or do you need more time?" He smiled, as he set glasses of water down next to their wine.

Saved by the bell.

Olivia and Elliot shared a few intense glances throughout the evening, which didn't go unnoticed by Casey. Does anything ever go unnoticed by Casey? Olivia excused herself to the ladies room, she needed a five minute timeout to pull herself together. When in the ladies room, she let out a breath she didn't know she was holding and stared at herself in the mirror. She looked at herself, really looked at herself for the first time in a long time. She looked tired and sad, but mostly tired. She smiled.

"Phony." She whispered, and made her way to the door.

Damn. She couldn't get away from him, he's everywhere and he's so handsome. She wishes she could blame it on the lighting or the wine, but she'd be lying, he always looks good. Especially now, leaning against the wall like he's posing for the cover of GQ. Jesus. He needs to stop doing this to her.

"You do know this is the ladies room, right?" Quirky, sassy. That's what she did best. Game face.

"Yeah, I can read, Benson." He grinned and studied her intently.

Stupid, perfect Stabler grin. No no no, she can't think when he looks at her like that.

"Is there a reason you're hanging outside the ladies room?" Straight to the point. She doesn't feel like playing mind games tonight.

"Captain called, he needs us."

"I have a phone."

"Liv..." he let her name linger on his lips for a second or two, "I thought you'd like a ride to the precinct but if you wanna walk, be my guest. I'm just trying to do something nice for my partner, for my friend."

"Friend? No, Elliot. Friends share things, and I don't remember you telling me about your date with your son's preschool teacher. In fact, I don't remember you telling me about your divorce. Or maybe you're not divorced. Who the hell knows? Friends talk about these things, which clearly we haven't. You're not my friend. You're my partner. That's about it." Maybe she's being too harsh, but damn him. She's hurt. "I need to get my bag from the table and tell Casey I got called in, I'll meet you outside."

He opened his mouth, then he closed it like he thought about what he was going to say. Well that's a first. "I'll go warm the car up."

Shit. She hurt him.

"Case I'm so sorry, I got called in." She put money on the table, and grabbed her bag. "I'm taking you to dinner tomorrow night, on me."

"Duty calls, and you better take your money back. I told you I was taking you to dinner and I meant it. Call me when you get home, you know I never sleep."

Olivia rolled her eyes and put her money back in her wallet, "you know I will. I have to go, apparently it's urgent."

What the hell? Urgent? She doesn't even know if they caught a case, all she knows is cap needs them. Did she just lie to get to Elliot faster, who probably doesn't even want to be in the same state as Olivia right now? How screwed up is that? She tells him he's not her friend, but still wants to get to him as soon as she can. She rushed to the car and got in, quickly fastening her seat belt and looking at Elliot.

"El..." She breathed in slowly and kept her focus on her the dashboard. "I didn't-"

"You ready to go?"

Yeah. He's mad.


	3. Chapter 3

**I'M. TRYING. SO. HARD. Oh my God, I wanna scream. Holy moley, who knew writing could be so hard? **

**Okay enough of my problems, review & tell me how I'm doing. I need some motivation. **

**And one more question, should I start writing from Elliot's POV too or keep it strictly Olivia's? **

**Hope you enjoy!**

For lack of a better word, the ride to the precinct was awkward. She should really put a reminder on her phone telling her not to put her foot in her mouth because wherever Elliot was concerned, it always seemed to happen. Of course they were both stubborn as hell, and a simple apology wouldn't work with them. It never did. He's so damn infuriating, one part of her is screaming at him to get over himself and the other half wants to taste his lips. Why the hell isn't the radio on? Silence is comfortable between them but not when he's pissed off. She can't reach for the volume knob because he'll know he's getting to her. Silence it is. Good thing they're only 2 blocks away.

They strutted in sync, just like the always do. They walked over to their desks, and that's when Cragen stormed out of his office.

"I wish you did the other half of the job you signed up for," Cragen's yelling. This can't be good. Can tonight just be over already? "when I ask you to do paperwork, I expect it filed. Simple, or so I thought. I've been looking for your notes on the Edwards case for 3 hours and they're nowhere to be found. What the hell do you get paid for?" He's being dramatic. She feels like telling him to calm the hell down, but she'd never disrespect him. Especially when it's probably her who's in the bad mood.

"Cap, you told me to put them on your desk before I left and that's what I did." Elliot chimed in with a questioning tone. Something was off here. "You couldn't have asked me that over the phone?"

Cragen looked at Elliot with eyes that said I'm the boss, don't push it. That was the closest thing to a sorry they were gonna get. He placed the scrambled files in the brown box and moved towards his office. Halfway through his door, he turned and said, "go home, enjoy the little time you do have off. If I need you, I'll call." Then he was gone.

Elliot pulled his phone out and started texting. That stupid grin on his face, and those annoying little chirpy noises from received texts would be the death of her. She had to do something.

"I left my bag in your car." She said quietly.

Elliot started walking towards the elevator, halfway there he looked back, "you coming or staying?" He didn't wait for her to follow him, he knew she would. They stood on opposite sides of the elevator, about as far away from each other they could get. She observed him, while he observed his phone. Not talking aside, he did seem happier lately. Who knew he had that many teeth? Now's not the time for jokes Olivia, get it together, she silently scolded herself. There's that noise. That damn chirp.

"I know you've probably had enough of me tonight, but can you give me a ride to Lucy's? Casey's there and I told her if I got done early enough I'd-" She stopped herself. What the hell was she doing? Why did she feel the need to fill the silence with awkward conversation he clearly wasn't interested in? Snap out of it. She looked at the elevator doors and decided to keep her focus there.

"Yeah, I'm headed there anyway. Lauren's been texting me, apparently she and Casey decided to finish dinner together, and I guess they're there together." He mentioned in a casual tone. She's gonna wake up, this is a bad dream and she's gonna wake up. What could Elliot and a 25 year old have in common?

"Great." Not great, but he knows what she means.

"Don't sound so excited." He grinned, she didn't see it because she can't look at him right now, but she heard it in his voice. I guess he's over the whole you're not my friend explosion. Good. "Look at it this way, you get to buy me a drink for calling me a bad friend." He put his phone away. Finally.

The doors opened and Olivia nodded without making eye contact before she lead the way to his car. She got in the passenger side, and quickly grabbed her phone from her bag so she'd have something to occupy her. Elliot got in and didn't feel the need to let it warm up. Lucy's is only a 10 minute drive, hopefully there's no traffic.

"Kathy and I decided to get a divorce, it's been about 3 months." He sighed and kept his focus on the street. "We realized things weren't gonna get better and we came to an agreement. Do you believe that?" He laughed briefly. "The first thing we agree on in 2 years is to separate and start the divorce process."

She wants to tell him something stupid and cliche, like it's all gonna be alright. But she doesn't know that and the last thing she'll do is lie to him. So she stays quiet. Just as he expects her to because he continues.

"I met Lauren 3 weeks ago when I picked Eli up. I don't know if it's going anywhere but she's there for me, and she makes me laugh so I'm trying. I know she's-" He stopped at the red light and looked at Olivia who was looking out her window. "I know she's younger but I needed someone to make me feel like everything wasn't over and she's doing that." He continued to look at her until the light changed. It was quiet for about 3 minutes when Olivia finally decided to respond.

"You could have talked to me. You can talk to me about anything. And you used to. I just don't know when or why that stopped." She shrugged and unfastened her seat-belt as they approached Lucy's. Elliot parked and shut the car off.

"I'm just trying to sort things out on my own." He sighed.

Olivia looked at him in disbelief, and shook her head. "Oh what the hell Elliot, give me a break. You're not doing it on your own, you're sorting things out with your son's preschool teacher. If you wanna call me your friend, I expect you to treat me like one." She should stop, she really should but screw him for giving her bullshit answers. Beating around the bush like she's some fragile kitten. She clutched her bag, and opened the car door. "I'm going in, Casey's been waiting long enough. I'm sure your girlfriend's missing you by now too, so don't sit here for too long." She shut the door a little harder than she should have. He'll get over it.

She made her way through a crowd of people; it's 7pm on a Friday night, the people should start pouring in real soon. She stood taller and searched for Casey. Olivia made her way to the bar where they were sitting and waved the bartender down, "I'll have something strong. Surprise me." She handed him the money and sat next to Casey.

Elliot walked over and sat next to Lauren, loosening his tie. He took a sip of the beer Lauren had waiting for him and flashed his winning smile at her. Is it possible to puke with an empty stomach? Because Olivia was pretty sure it was coming. She could eat later, right now, drinking was more important. She leaned over to Casey and whispered in her ear, "making friends with the enemy?" She smiled and took her drink from the bartender and threw it back in one sip. "Bring me another one of these, make it a double."

"Never. Just digging. Is tonight gonna be one of those nights I need to spend the night at your house?" Casey winked and took a sip of her martini.

Olivia laughed and looked around the bar. She made sure Elliot could hear what she was about to say. "I hope not. No offense but I'm looking for someone else to spend the night. Let me know if you see someone ogling. It's been too long."

Elliot finished off his beer and stared at Olivia with narrowed eyes.


	4. Chapter 4

**I got a lot of reviews asking me to update soon, so I wrote as fast as I could. Also, I'm a huge grammar nazi, so when I see I posted something that's spelled wrong, I cringe. SORRY IN ADVANCE, BUT I GET SO EXCITED TO POST. If there's a spelling error, or anything, let me know and I'll fix it asap!**

** Hope you enjoy the 4th chapter, & don't forget to review! **

**Thanks for reading! :)**

She's not drunk, not yet. The drinks are setting in though, she's starting to feel good. Olivia, Casey, and Lauren all excused theirselves to go to the bathroom to "freshen" up. Whatever that means.

"So are things serious betwen you and Stabler?" Casey is a god-send. Always to the point. Casey looked in the mirror while she reapplied her lipstick.

Lauren blushed and ducked her head. "He's a great guy. I know it's only been 3 weeks but-" If she didn't get that damn blushing under control, Olivia was gonna snap. She doesn't even know him. "I really like him and I see a future for us." Lauren laughed and looked at them. "You probably think I'm crazy."

"Yea-" Olivia was cut off.

"What do you like about him?" Why the hell was Casey feeding into the conversation topic?

"We don't know eachother too well yet, obviously, but the connection is so strong. He has a huge-"

Casey whipped her head in Lauren's direction, "oh dear God, don't say it." She looked at Olivia and grinned.

Olivia coughed and widened her eyes. She needed to get out of here.

Lauren laughed like she was at a comedy show, "oh my gosh, you're bad! No, I was saying he has a huge heart." Her laughing simmered down and she continued. " He's such a good dad, and Eli is the-"

Olivia pushed the hand dryer button. If she had to listen to this naive barbie for another second she'd end up banging her head into the wall. "I don't know about you, but I need another drink."

Casey and Lauren trailed behind Olivia on their way back to the bar. She definitely felt sexy right now, she didn't know if it was the drinks, her fitted red dress, or the stares she was recieving. Whatever it was, she was reveling in it. She's not herself tonight, and she's okay with that.

"Olivia! Never thought I'd see you in a place like this, what're you doing here?" The blonde smiled and pushed her hair behind her ear.

This had to be a joke. Ashton Kutcher could come out now because this has gone too far. She gaped in shock for a brief second before turning it into a smile. "I'm here with Casey. I haven't seen you in a while, how've you been?" To be honest, she doesn't really care.

"I've been good, really good actually. How about you? You look fantastic!"

"Oh God." She never really knew how to accept compliments. If you say thanks, you're being conceited. If you say you too, you're only saying it because they did. It's a much more complicated thing than it should be. So she brushes them off. "I've been alright, you know work takes up 99% of my life. Speaking of work-" she paused because she's not sure if they were on good terms or not, but what the hell. It's a bar, they're all on their way to being drunk. Why not? "Elliot's here." She looked to where they were sitting and pointed. "You could join us." Maybe that wasn't a good idea. "But before you agree, it's only fair to tell you he's with someone." She was kind of nervous. Elliot would probably be pissed but that's nothing new.

"Oh Lauren?" The blonde asked. "Weird couple if you ask me, but whatever that's not my business anymore. I'll come say hi."

Shocked. She was definitley shocked. Olivia led the way and braced herself. If this didn't go well, he'd probably never forgive her. She knows this is a sore spot for him, but seeing him with someone half her age is a sore spot for her, and she's never been one for being the bigger person. He has to know how she feels; they've been working together for way too long to not feel at least something. So she stood up taller and put her best smile on.

"El, look who I ran into."

He was definitely surprised, but he's not leaving so it can't be that bad. "Kathy, hi."

"Hey stranger." They hugged and it felt awkward for everyone. "I have a table in the back, it's big enough for all of us if you'd like to join?" She asked in a questioning, but welcoming tone. " Plus Bill's waiting for me. I know I don't like being out here with the college crowd." She laughed quietly.

Elliot and Kathy are better together now than when they were actually together. Could this night get any weirder?

"I vote yes, I need to get the hell away from these good looking 21 year olds before I end up making a choice I regret." Casey took a sip of her drink.

"Are you sure it won't be a problem?" Oh Lauren. You sweet, naive girl.

They all grabbed their drinks. "Lead the way." Casey said as they followed behind. Elliot sat directly cross from Olivia, and Lauren sat beside him. Casey took the last spot next to Olivia. "Perfect, much better. Thanks for letting us crash your date."

"No problem, we're only here for drinks. You're getting Eli tomorrow, right?" She asked Elliot before leaning into Bill. "Okay, I'm not the only person who thinks this is weird, right?" Kathy laughed and grabbed her beer. They were both handling it well. It's the Lauren thing that was awkward. Not only was she 25, she also taught their son. Olivia probably felt more uncomfortable than she should have. She's having drinks with her partner, who's clothes she wants to rip off, while his girlfriend and his ex wife are here. Yeah. Something was definitely weird about that.

"Everyone just needs more drinks! Loosen up a little. Get the party started." Casey always knew how to get things going. She ordered shots and smiled like she was 12 again.

"Yeah, I'll pick him up around 10." He coughed and his foot hit Olivia's, he looked at her but he didn't move it. She should not be this turned on my a foot, Jesus Christ. She bit her lip and took her shot.

Conversations brewed between the 6 of them as the night went on, Casey was telling Olivia about the trip to Brazil she was taking as soon as June rolled around, Bill and Elliot were talking about the Yankees game, Lauren was talking to Kathy about a recipe. This is oddly normal. It didn't matter what topic the conversation revolved around, the only thing Olivia was really interested in was the fact that Elliot's foot has been touching hers since they moved to this table and it didn't seem to be going anywhere. The thought of him wanting the same thing as her sobered her up a little.

Two can play this game.

She made sure everyone else was focused on the conversation before she kicked off her heel and ran her foot up his calf. His eyes widened but he didn't flinch. He smirked, not a full on smirk but the corners of his lips definitely curled upwards. He wanted her as much as she wanted him. She moved her foot away from him and he narraowed his eyes.

Game on.


	5. Chapter 5

**Quick A/N: Thank you so much for the reviews! **

**This is like my 3rd update in 4 days... I have no life and I'm okay with that. **

**Hope you enjoy & don't forget to review! Xo**

What's that damn noise? Her head is throbbing. She opened her eyes and squinted against the sun that's beaming into her room. She really should have shut those curtains last night; yeah right, she's lucky she made it to the bed. Her feet are killing her, those damn pumps. She rolled over, her back facing the sun and checked the clock. 11:45 AM, Casey was gonna be pissed. She groaned and reluctantly pulled herself to her feet. Looking around and finding her robe, she put it on and made her way to the kitchen. She opened the fridge, grabbed a water, and almost finished it in one sip. She started the coffee pot, then the noise started again.

BANG BANG BANG. Okay, that's her door. Who the hell? She walked to the door and looked through the peephole, Casey looked like she was ready to kill. Olivia opened the door and flashed her I'm sorry smile. Casey wasn't having it.

"Do you know what fucking time it is? I thought you were dead." Casey stormed past Olivia and made her way to the kitchen. "You asked me to go running at 6, so I got up and got dressed like a responsible person with plans should do. I've been calling you nonstop, where the hell is your phone?" She opened the fridge and slammed it. "No food? Is this a joke?"

Olivia tightened her lips and pointed to the apples on the counter. "I'm sorry, but if someone didn't insist on ordering shots last night, I probably would've been up in time. Why would I stock my fridge when I live alone and have no problem eating takeout every night?" She walked to the coffee pot and poured them both a cup. "We can still go running or walking, this headache is insane. I need to get a quick shower though." She leaned against the counter and took a sip of her coffee.

Casey sat on the counter and started eating an apple. "Well, what the hell are you waiting for? The sooner we get this over with, the sooner we can go to lunch. I'm starving."

Olivia smiled and finished her coffee before putting the cup in the sink. "I'll be 10 minutes." She rushed to her room, and started the shower so it could warm up while she made her bed. True to her word, Olivia emerged from her room 10 minutes later wearing her black and pink running outfit, and her matching shoes. "Who would've thought we'd be the kind of girls who go running in Central Park on the weekends?" She laughed and grabber her cellphone. "Ready."

Casey eyed her before getting off the counter. "Correction. Walking in Central Park. And you do this everyday. But that body Liv, holy shit, maybe I should start." Casey winked and grabbed two waters from her fridge. "Let's go."

Olivia locked her apartment and off they went. They made small talk during the ride, just as they always do. When they got there, they started walking the same route Olivia always takes. Olivia went over the night's events in her head as they walked; she found herself feeling a little embarrassed and slimy considering his girlfriend was there, but you know what they say, all's fair in love and war. Five miles into the walk, Casey spoke up.

"You were awfully flirty last night."

Olivia furrowed her eyebrows and looked at Casey. "What're you talking about? How?" Defensive mode. She needs to calm down, it's not like Casey's lying. What's she's really asking is how obvious was it?

"Don't think for one second I didn't see you looking at each other with little smirks and bedroom eyes all night." She wasn't judging, she was letting Olivia know what she was getting herself into. "And when you were playing footsies, your heel hit my leg. Don't worry though, I'm pretty sure no one else noticed." Casey shook her head and grinned. "I'm happy you mustered up enough confidence to fight for what you want, but just be careful. I don't wanna see you get hurt."

"I won't get hurt because it's not gonna happen again. We were drunk last night, flirting, however innocent it was, shouldn't have happened. He has a girlfriend who's half my age, I can't-" She stopped walking and looked at Casey. "I'd be lying if I said I didn't like him, but I'm not that girl, Case. I can't be the other woman." She started walking again and kept her focus on the trail ahead of her. "Besides, if he liked me, he'd tell me."

Casey rolled her eyes, "Liv, you're one of the smartest people I know, don't be stupid. He was flirting back, he definitely likes you. And what're you talking about, other woman? You're the only woman. Lauren's 25, she's a girl." She makes one hell of an argument. Still, something doesn't seem right about it. "Their relationship is going nowhere. I'm not telling you to get over him, I'm telling you to talk to him." Why does she always make things sound so simple?

They walked in silence the rest of the way. Olivia said hello to Paul and his wife, she introduced Casey who was an instant hit with the couple. They went to lunch and Casey dropped Olivia back off.

"I'll call you after my date tonight, wish me luck!" And with that, Casey was gone.

She tidied up her apartment, showered, and ordered takeout. Okay, she was ready. She's really gonna do it. She grabbed her phone and dialed before she could change her mind.

"Liv? What's up?" His voice instantly made her smile.

She took a deep breath and went for it, "well it's Saturday night, and I just ordered enough Chinese for a family." She sounded nervous, relax, she silently scolded herself. "And uh, I was wondering, if you're not busy, could you come over and help me fix my sink?" She couldn't just invite him over, that's too obvious. So she invited him over to fix a sink that's not broken. Smart.

He laughed. That's a good sign. God she loved his laugh. "I'll tell you what, I'll come over, but on one condition."

"And that is?" She tried sounding sexy but failed miserably, she wasn't in high school anymore, this should be easier by now. Maybe she's making it harder than it should be.

"You have to share that Chinese, we're starving." He's smiling, she can hear it in his voice.

"Deal. See you when you get here." Wait. We're? Who the hell is we're? What did she just agree to?

Within 10 minutes, the food arrived. She stuck it in the microwave to keep it warm. He should be here any minute.

She walked over to the kitchen sick and stuck a fork down the drain. Something easy to fix, she didn't want him busting his ass for something she broke on purpose. Yeah, she's pathetic; but if being pathetic means she gets to spend the night with Elliot Stabler then it really doesn't matter.

She rushed to her room and fixed her makeup and hair, she couldn't seem like she was trying too hard, but she also had to look good if he was bringing Lauren. She went to her closet and looked for a shirt to go with her jeans. "Perfect!" She pulled out her black, semi-backless sweater shirt. "This'll do." She put it on and took one last look in the mirror.

She paced her living room while she debated calling him to ask who was coming along. Don't be stupid, Olivia. He agreed to come, that has to be a good sign...right?

10 minutes later, her doorbell buzzed.

"Well, here goes everything."


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Okay, 2 updates in one day?! I know I don't like cliffhangers so I couldn't leave everyone hanging.**

**Hope you enjoy & don't forget to review! I love reading what you have to say, good or bad.**

Her heart was beating way too fast. Tonight's the night. She had to talk to him, come hell or high water. She buzzed the door. What's taking him so long? She rushed to the microwave, pulled the food out, and put it on the counter. Who eats sitting down these days? Maybe she should light a candle. Who the hell did she think she was, Martha Stewart? He'd laugh in her face if she had candles lit. Okay, bad idea. She pulled the food out of the bag and lined it up on the counter.

She heard knocks and she instantly smiled. What has gotten into her? She took a deep breath and walked to the door. She opened it and he was smiling. Jesus Christ, he is beautiful. She can't think straight when he's around, but when he's smiling he mind turns to goo. He looked alone.

"On the phone you said we're-" She stopped mid sentence when she realized who was hiding behind him. She smiled and looked at Elliot.

"I don't know, Eli said he wanted to come because he can eat junk here and I can't tell him to stop since there's nothing else, but now I can't find him." He winked at her and she gripped the door tighter. Dammit Olivia, he's talking about his son. Control yourself. "Oh well, guess we'll just eat without him." He stepped closer to Olivia when Eli popped out from behind him and started giggling.

"Right here daddy." He waved his arms and dashed into Olivia's apartment. "I thought you were detectives."

They both laughed and Olivia stepped out of the way so Elliot could come in. She quirked her eyebrow. "You're too good for us, kiddo. Plus your daddy's getting old." Elliot turned around and raised his eyebrow.

"You're right, we should probably call someone to fix your sink, since I'm old and probably can't bend."

"Shut up, you're in great shape!" She laughed and followed him to the kitchen.

Eli ran into her living room and plopped on the couch. Olivia was still mind blown that he knows how to work her remote and TV without any problems. He's 4 for God's sake! He put on Ninja Turtles and focused on the screen.

Elliot immediately went to work, he checked under the sink to make sure there were no leaks and then he turned the water on, when it didn't clog he looked at Olivia with confusion on his face. "What do you mean it's broken?"

Olivia was leaning against the counter, watching him. "Not broken, but I dropped a fork down there when I was doing dishes. I wanted to get it before it caused a bigger problem." She said in her matter-of-fact tone. She feels so obvious, but she'll stare at him with her stern "I'm serious" face so he doesn't think anything of it. She turned around so her back was facing him, and started getting forks out for their Chinese. She heard his intake of breath and she smiled to herself. Yeah, definitely the right shirt choice.

He let his eyes linger for a minute or two before he turned back to the sink. He pulled a long, bendy wire from the bottom of her sink, and pushed it in the drain.

Olivia took a container of noodles into the living room and decided to give Eli's show a try; she shared her food with him. This show was a bunch of crime-fighting turtles. Kid shows suck, but hearing his laugh melted her heart. 10 minutes after they finished eating, he fell asleep with his head on her lap. She pushed his hair out of his face and smiled. He was special to her, all Elliot's kids were. But Eli stole her heart from the minute he was born, literally.

Elliot was still in the kitchen trying to get that damn fork out, when he pushed the wire in for the last time, he pulled it out and somehow the fork came out with it. "There we go." He seemed pleased with himself. He didn't know how the hell he did it, but he wasn't about to tell Olivia that. "Wait, Liv...?" He washed his hands and walked into the living room. She looked up at him and was a little nervous for what he was gonna say.

"Hm?" That was the only thing her brain could form. This is it, he knows you're a lying, love-sick, fool. Okay, calm the hell down.

"You said you were doing dishes? How do you have dishes when there's never any food in your fridge?" He laughed and went back into the kitchen to grab a container of lo mein. He poured it into a microwavable bowl and heated it up. Something about this seemed strangely comfortable. "I have to give it to you though." His voice came out of nowhere, but still managed to sooth her.

"What's that?" Sure, she'll give into it. She wouldn't mind receiving whatever it was he was giving. She's worse than a horny teenager.

The microwave beeped; when he was finished getting his food out, he continued, "your fridge never has any food, but somehow you manage to have ice cold beers. Want one?" She let out a breath she didn't know she was holding and rolled her eyes.

"Is that even a question? If you're bringing it, I'm taking it." Okay, that sound right. She over-analyzed her reply just like she does everything else. It was quiet, too quiet. Great, she scared him off.

He walked into the living room and sat next to Olivia on the side where his son wasn't taking up half of the couch. He handed her a beer and dug into his food. "This is hotting the spot, I haven't had Chinese since the last time we had it." They put on a movie neither of them were really paying attention to. Background noise. He was sitting close to her, she could feet the warmth of his thigh next to hers. How she formed a single thought with him this close, she has no idea.

When he was done eating, he gathered up their bottles and his bowl and took it in the kitchen. She heard the sink running and knew he was washing her dishes. She smiled and laughed to herself. He's so domesticated. When he was finished, he stood in the doorway and watched Eli and Olivia. "You can push him off you, you know."

She leaned her head against the back of the couch and looked at him with a smile and a quirked eyebrow. "Thanks for your permission, Stabler." Sarcasm was her second language. She looked down at Eli and back to Elliot. "He's keeping me warm, and in return I'm keeping him comfy. Don't worry about me, I'm fine." Elliot stood there looking at her and she wasn't about to look away. She laughed and ducked her head. "Okay enough with the staring, what?" She looked back up at him.

The seriousness on his face was worrying her. He tightened his lips. "Last night-" He didn't know where he was going with it, he expected her to finish his thought. Only she couldn't. She felt embarrassed and pathetic and she wanted it to happen again. She felt more sparks by just touching him than she did with anyone, ever. She was just as conflicted as him. What could she say? She looked away from him and stared at nothing in particular.

"Yeah, last night." She whispered loud enough for him to hear. Dammit Stabler, make a move, do something, say something. His silence killed her. She knew he had something to say. She looked back at him and he wasn't looking at her anymore.

He cleared his throat and let out a breath. "I'm with Lauren."

Ouch.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: ANOTHER update, I'm impressing myself with my commitment to this story. **

**Thank you so much to everyone who has followed, reviewed, and favorited so far! You keep me going.**

The rest of her Saturday night was shot to hell. She knew he had a girlfriend, and she went for him anyway. This is nobody's fault but her own. One of the things she liked most about him is that he's a man of his word. When he commits to something, he follows through. He hurt her, he knows that. He can read her like a book, and she had her emotions written all over her face. Of course, being Olivia Benson, she covered it up as quickly as it came out, but not before he seen it. She smiled and said she knows. Then he left. Quick and painless? No, that's a lie. Just quick. She stayed right where he left her, on the couch. She didn't have the energy to move.

Her usual 10 miles on Sunday morning was a drag, but she pushed through it. She spent the rest of her day in her apartment. She was wallowing. Her pride had been hurt and she's recovering from it. Sure, she was sad, but she was more embarrassed than anything. She put herself out there only to be shot down by the one person who knows her better than anyone. Casey called a few times, but answering it would mean talking and that's the last thing she wanted to do. Casey could wait until Monday.

Ugh Monday.

Olivia poured herself a glass of wine and took a warm bath. About an hour later, she got out and put her PJ's on. She wouldn't be getting any sleep. She laid in her bed contemplating how to face him in the morning. Shrug it off? Act like it never happened? Be mad? Be real? Show him she's hurt? How does one prepare for something like that?

Stop thinking about it. Don't be pathetic.

5 AM rolled around and she was still awake. Shower time. She was lagging, coffee was a must this morning. 15 minutes later she emerged from the shower, sat on the edge of her bed in her towel, and looked around.

"Screw this." She was gonna put on her best appropriate work outfit and own that fucking precinct. Olivia was not THAT girl. She didn't let personal problems affect her work. That's what Elliot is, a problem. She put on her usual makeup, grabbed her stuff, and left. It was 5:40, she had to be there in 20 minutes. She stopped for a quick coffee and made it there a little earlier than usual.

To her surprise, she was the first one there. Cragen called her into his office, he gave her a victim's name and sent her to Bellevue by herself. She didn't usually like going out on calls by herself, but this could work out in her favor. Maybe she'd investigate all day and not even have to see him. Slim chance.

She arrived at Bellevue and got the room number from one of the nurses. Her heart hurt for the victim already and she didn't even hear her story yet. She braced herself and knocked on the open door, just to make her presence known before entering.

"Jane? I'm detective Benson. Are you up for talking?" Olivia eased into the questions, and thankfully, Jane was cooperative. She answered every question as thoroughly as she could and even gave her a lead.

"Detective?" Jane's voice was shaky, she wasn't crying but Olivia knew she wanted to. Not that she blamed her, Olivia wanted to cry for her.

"Yeah?" She whispered in a soothing voice.

"I'm 50 years old, I work hard for everything I have, I give 50% of my earnings to charity, I hardly have friends, and I'm single. Why me? I know this sounds horrible, but why couldn't this happen to someone else?"

Olivia's heart broke. That's always the question, and no matter how many rapists she put away, she could never get an answer that would measure up to the question. She shook her head and a sadness took over her. "I wish I could answer that." She walked back over to the hospital bed to reassure her, "I'll get him. Soon enough you'll be able to sleep at night because I won't sleep until he's in prison." It was everything she had, and she hoped it would give her some peace of mind.

Jane coughed and all signs of sadness left her face. Something took over her, a darkness. "If I find him before you, I'll kill him." Just then, the nurses came in a gave her more pain medicine.

"Detective, Jane needs her rest. You can come back later."

She left Jane's hospital room determined. Maybe she sucked with relationships, and everything else in general. But her job was her life, and she was damn good at it. She drove back to the precinct with a heavy heart, but with a lead that would most likely catch the gutless bastard. There was no time for friendly hellos to her coworkers, not today. She stormed into the captains office, but not before noticing Elliot was giving Lauren a tour. Of course he was, what a slap in the face.

"Olivia? What's wrong?" Cragen stood up and walked around his desk. What he really meant was you better have a damn good reason for storming into my office without knocking.

She stopped and breathed. Hell hath no fury like a woman wronged. She needs to relax before she gets herself sent home. "I just left the hospital, can you search the system for a Hispanic male, tattoo on the right side of his face, a little taller than her, so 5'6? Jane said the tattoo was a Spanish quote, something about family."

Cragen walked back around his desk and entered the information into his computer while Olivia stared out his office window that overlooked the precinct. She can sit and pretend all day long that she's not jealous of Lauren, but she is. She's in her 40's, has a job that helps more people than she could have ever imagined, and is jealous of a 25 year old. Pathetic.

"Is everything okay?" She didn't wanna lie to him, but she couldn't exactly tell him what happened so she nodded. Cragen didn't buy it, but he wouldn't talk about it if she didn't want to. Cragen tried his best to be a friend and a boss to everyone, so unless she brought it up herself, he'd drop it. He continued to narrow the search for the perp.

Olivia walked to the front of his desk and sat in the chair. "What's it bring your daughter to work day?" Low blow but she didn't care. Cragen eyed her and went back to is search.

"I take it you'd like to work alone today?"

She laughed and nodded her head. "I can handle this, so yeah." If she didn't shut up, he'd start to question their partnership, and as pissed off as she was right now, that doesn't mean she wanted a new partner. She tightened her lips and looked at Jane's file.

Cragen's voice punctured her concentration, "I've narrowed it down to 3 men, I'll print the pictures and you can show them to her." Olivia stood up and walked to his door, before she opened it, she looked back at her captain.

"I know I'm a pain in the ass, thank you for offering to listen. It means more than you know." She smiled and went in the bullpen to get the pictures from the printer. She walked by Elliot, Lauren, and Fin without saying a word. She went into the copy room and waited.

"Where have you been?" Munch was so damn nosy. If he paid half as much attention to his own life, he'd probably be happy by now. She loved him but Jesus Christ. He didn't know when to mind his business.

"Doing my job, unlike everyone else." She really has no reason to be a bitch but everyone has their days. He'll get over it. She heard Lauren laughing. Dammit, if these prints didn't hurry. Munch was still lingering and she really needed to be alone. "can I have some time to myself or did you need something?"

Munch scoffed and left the room without another word. She'll apologize later. Right now there's a woman who needs her. The final picture printed, she put them in a folder. Elliot walked in and she stopped in her tracks, she looked him in the eyes. He had his "I'm sorry" look and she really couldn't care less. She raised her eyebrow, "excuse me, you're in the way of me doing my job." He interpreted that in more ways than one, and that's what she meant. She started moving past him, before she could leave the room, he grabbed her arm and pulled her closer to him. Not roughly, just enough to get her to oblige. Her breath caught in her throat and she kept her focus on the folder so she couldn't cave.

"Liv..." When he says her name like that she forgets why she's mad at him in the first place. "We need to talk about last night."

She pulled her arm with force, she was being dramatic but he had a lot of nerve. Touching her and using that voice like it was gonna make everything better. Son of a bitch. "We can talk when I find time. Believe it or not, you're not really my top concern right now."

With that, she left the room and headed to Bellevue.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: I'm forever grateful for the people who review EVERY chapter. You're beautiful and I love you.**

**Thanks for keeping up with the story, and I hope you enjoy chapter 8! I'll update when asked! Xo**

They say an average person has 12,000 through 70,000 thoughts per day. Olivia is far from average. The person to determine how many thoughts she has per day should be rewarded because she never shuts her damn mind off. Her thought count was a mystery, but she does know that he takes up 90% of them.

It's been 3 weeks since the bar incident. She's choosing to call it an incident to avoid further embarrassment; yeah she was drunk, but she knew what she was doing. Their partnership finally seems to be getting back to normal, and she couldn't be happier about it. Being mad at Elliot is like being hungry, the feeling never lasts.

Why she's thinking about this when she has a gorgeous blonde haired, blue eyed man in her living room, she has no idea. He's always in her thoughts, no matter what she's doing. He's always gonna be there. Maybe that's because he's been her partner for 12 years, or maybe that's because she's in love with him. Olivia put her phone on the kitchen counter and walked into the living room with two glasses of wine. He smiled at her and she handed him a glass.

She met him on the job; his name is James and he's an ADA in Brooklyn who insisted she give him a chance. She figured why the hell not? She's a single woman in her 40's, what does she have to lose? He worked with her and Elliot for a week before she finally agreed to go on a date with him. Elliot wasn't too pleased, voicing his opinion about what she does like it was his God given right. Typical Eliot. James took her to a Broadway show, and if she's being honest, she was bored to death, but he's sweet and he's trying really hard, so she let him come back to her place.

"I had a good time tonight." He can't stop smiling, and now she's smiling but not for the same reason. If Elliot were here- STOP. Stop. Elliot's not here. Don't go down that road.

"It was nice, different, but nice. Thank you." She smirked and took a sip of her wine.

He's laughing, she's not that funny. He's trying too hard. "I gotta admit, you make me a little nervous."

Her whole life, she always liked to be in charge. Until she met Elliot, he showed her she could relax and he'd keep her safe. He's the only person she let her guard down for, not that it helped her in any way. She's sitting here with a man who's clearly smitten by her and she doesn't know what's wrong with her but she doesn't want to get to know him. She doesn't wanna talk. Olivia put her wine glass on the table, she moved closer to him and took his glass from him repeating her previous action. She leaned into him and kissed him slowly. Nothing intimate, just a kiss. They both knew their night would lead to this.

"Don't be nervous." She grabbed her drink and took a sip, never taking her eyes off him.

"You are something else." He took her wine glass and finished off the rest before putting it on the table. He gave her a devilish grin before standing up and pulling his shirt off, he leaned down and kissed her again, this time with a purpose. He pulled her up and ran his hands down her back before moving to the bottom of her shirt, pulling it up slowly looking at her for permission. She bit her lip and looked at him with sultry eyes; she pushed him on the couch and pulled her shirt off the rest of the way. "Do you wanna move this to the bedroom?"

"No." Before she could think, she's straddling him on the couch, kissing him like she's been wanting to kiss Elliot. It isn't fair to him that she's thinking of another blue eyed man, but in the moment it doesn't really matter. He's undoing her bra and kissing her neck. Maybe he's not all that shy and awkward after all. She reached her hand in between them and unbuttoned her jeans, no foreplay was necessary, she needed to get this over with. He pulled her bra off and his mouth was instantly on her nipple. She pushed him off and kissed him deeply, "do you have a condom?" She asked in a breathy voice and pulled back a little.

He raked his eyes over her body and moaned. "Olivia, I wanna take my time with you. Don't get me wrong, I'm dying to be inside you right now, but you're possibly the most beautiful woman I've ever been with and I need this moment to last before I wake up. This has to be a dream." Okay, was he trying to get her in bed or win a court case? She doesn't need the sweet talk, not tonight. She doesn't plan on marrying this guy. Why can't he just shut the hell up and give her what she so clearly wants? "Can we move this to your bedroom?" She wants to run. Maybe just tell him straight up it's not gonna happen. She closes her eyes briefly and-

Someone's knocking on her door, she couldn't be more thankful. She gives him an apologetic look and stands up before hooking her bra and pulling her shirt back on. "You should put your shirt on." She almost wants it to be Elliot so he could see what he's missing. She rolls her eyes at herself before looking through the peephole. Casey. She always finds a way to cock block her. This better be important. She pulls her door open and looks at her, confused. "Case, what's up?" She furrowed her eyebrows and gripped the door. Something's wrong. She can feel it.

Casey's fidgeting, she's nervous. "Liv..." She looked at Olivia and ducked her head. "I've been calling you. Have you heard?" She walked in the apartment and stopped when she saw James.

Olivia's heart dropped. What the hell is going on? She walked to the kitchen and picked up her phone. "It's on silent from the theater. Case, what the hell happened?" At this point she feels like she needs to sit. If Casey doesn't hurry up and tell her she might have a panic attack.

James coughed and walked towards the door quietly. "Olivia, I hope everything is alright. I don't wanna be in the way, I'm gonna go. I'll call you." He smiled sadly and left. She won't answer. That's the end of that.

Casey let her eyes follow him and she stared at the door a little too long after it closed. She started talking without looking back at Olivia. "It's Eli, him and Kathy were in an accident, she's okay but-" She stopped. Olivia's heart sank. Don't say it. "He's at Bellevue in a coma." Casey turned around and shook her head. "They don't know if he's gonna make it."

This can't be happening, he's only a kid. Then again, she sees things like this everyday. Before she has a moment to think, Casey's driving her to Bellevue at full speed. She can't imagine the guilt Kathy feels. "Jesus Christ, can you go faster?" Olivia's panicking, she's scared, she needs to be there.

"Liv, calm down. You need to hold it together. He doesn't need you to be in there falling apart." Casey snaps, it's not like she's wrong. "You can scream, and cry, and do what you have to do, but do it before we get there."

Olivia closes her eyes and breathes. She's not religious but she finds herself praying. Ironic, isn't it? People only pray when they need something. If there's a God, Olivia's offering her life to have Eli make it through this. She's offering everything she has, not that it's worth much. No time for a pity party.

Casey pulled into the emergency entrance and let Olivia out, "I'm gonna park. Go, I'll be in the waiting room." Olivia walked as fast as she could, she showed her badge and got an okay from a nurse to go to Eli's room. She ran through the hospital trying to get there as fast as she could. She reached his floor and slowed down. She has to calm down. She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to force back the tears that would come eventually. She let out a breath, and tried to mentally prepare herself for what she was about to see.


	9. Chapter 9

**I'm so so so so so sorry that it has taken me THIS long to update. Holy crap, there's NO excuse for my laziness. But to semi-makeup for the lack of story, this chapter will be longer than the rest! If you're still reading, thank you from the bottom of my heart. Much love! x**

You can count to 10, or 60, or however long it takes to put your mind at ease, but there is no preparing yourself for something that changes the entire course of your life. Sometimes you have to scream and cry, whether it's in front of everyone or later on when you're alone. Pain knows no boundaries. It's almost the only thing every single person has in common, at one point or another, everyone has felt some kind of pain.

Everything around her is moving in slow motion and no matter how hard she tries, she can't seem to put one foot in front of the other. She's perfectly still with a heavy feeling in her chest and a deafening silence that's breaking her heart more and more by the second. Her gaze is focused solely on the empty room in front of her. There's a million questions going through her mind, but somehow she can't open her mouth to form a single sentence. So she stares ahead of her with teary eyes and shaky, uneven breaths. She must have been standing in the doorway for a while because when a nurse tapped on her shoulder and pulled her from her painful thoughts, her feet were killing her. Or it could have been the heels. Either one. She should have changed.

"Are you looking for someone?" Her voice pierced through Olivia's thoughts as the sound around the hospital came rushing back into full volume. Her head was pounding.

"Eli..." It took all she had to mutter his name. She immediately felt tired, and so very helpless. It seemed like hours went by before the nurse finally answered.

"Uh..." She hesitated but continued, "he's in surgery. Are you family?" She looked confused, seeing as how she already met his parents.

Olivia would have been pissed off if she had the energy. She narrowed her eyes but immediately softened them. She's doing her job. Olivia of all people know safety is the main priority. What was she supposed to say; technically she's not his family. But there's no way in hell she's waiting in the Emergency room without answers. Lucky for her, she didn't have time to answer.

"Olivia! Oh my God, how are you?" The blonde pulled her into a hug and exhaled. "That's a stupid question. Sorry. Have you talked to Elliot?" Her normally bright eyes were red and glassy. Olivia felt sick. Eli is an easily lovable little boy, anyone who spent more than 10 minutes with him ended up loving him dearly.

"Lauren." What was she doing here? Sure, she's his teacher, but come on. Olivia's not stupid. She can't help but feel like there's an ulterior motive behind her being here. "No, I haven't." She needs to sit. Maybe she should take her heels off, that will do nothing for her nausea but wonders for her sore feet. She's lost in her thoughts before she realizes Lauren's answering her question, and even though she missed half of it, she still catches the important part.

"...but he's been in the chapel, I tried talking to him but I guess he'd rather be alone." Lauren sighed and looked down. "I just feel so helpless. I wish there was something I could do. I'm gonna go to the cafeteria for a coffee, wanna join me?"

Olivia smiled sadly and looked towards the elevator; she should give Elliot some time alone, but she can't. Maybe she's selfish for that, but a part of her is telling her he needs her. She looked back at Lauren and politely turned down her offer before making her way to the elevator. She pushed the button for floor 5 and waited anxiously. Her head was a tornado of thoughts and she didn't have any words that could possibly halt the pain he was feeling. When the elevator stopped, she took a deep breath and walked towards the chapel. She let out a long, but surprisingly steady breath before opening the doors and making her way inside.

A hospital chapel is the last place she thought she'd be tonight. Almost an hour ago she was ready to let James have his way with her; now standing here with a broken Elliot in sight, she felt guilty. Maybe it's the chapel thing. Damn, why can't she ever just shut her thoughts off? She moved towards him slowly and noticed him relax a little, despite not having turned around, he knew it was her. This sight was enough to make her cry, but she held it together. He looked tired, rightfully so. His fitting suit clung to his body like it was made just for him and his posture was perfect, despite being exhausted.

"El..." her breathy voice whispered his name and she closed her eyes. No words needed to be said. Still she found herself needing to reassure him. Goosebumps flooded her body and she suddenly felt cold. She should have grabbed a jacket before she left, her shirt made her feel exposed. "Anything you need...say the word." That sentence came out in suggesting tone and she immediately felt stupid. That's definitely not the way she meant it. Before she gave herself anymore time to think, she moved around him and sat to his left, her thigh against his which instantly warmed her. Feeling the need to distract him from his most likely poisonous thoughts, she broke the silence. "How's Kathy doing?"

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw him shaking his head lightly. His loud exasperated breath caused her to look at him, and even though he wasn't looking back, she kept her eyes on him. His eyes were red rimmed and his face was unshaven. She wanted to run her finger tips along the stubble and hold him as tightly as she could. She can't pretend to know how he's feeling, but given the chance, no matter how much pain he's in, she would take it from him in a heartbeat.

"She's fine." His deep voice broke her thoughts and she flinched. "Physically, I mean. She's fine." He leaned back and looked at Olivia before quickly redirecting his focus back to the front of the chapel. "Nice shirt." His accusing tone would normally get a rise out of her but this wasn't the time, or place. He needed someone to direct his anger towards and she wasn't about to be his target.

"And Eli?" She kept her voice just as soft as her eyes. Enough waltzing around the question, she needs to know. Only now, she's not so sure she wants the answer. Mentally bracing herself, she gripped the edge of the wooden seat beneath her and looked at him with worried eyes.

He shifted uncomfortably and looked at his hands. Of course this was a hard topic, but he can talk to Olivia about anything and everything. His gaze slowly left the statue in front of him and wandered to her tired eyes.

"I don't know, Liv." Brutally honest and raspy, he continued, "he's been in surgery for hours. The doctor said he has swelling in the brain. He said it's possible Eli can make it out of surgery and recover completely, but not likely. I don't know..." He exhaled and his eyes turned glassy. His eyes left hers and Olivia's heart shattered. She couldn't fight it anymore, she needed him to know she was there for him. She put her hand over his and squeezed reassuringly. His thumb instantly latching onto her hand, making it impossible for her to move. Not that she had any intention of breaking the contact.

"He's a strong boy, El." She smiled sadly and looked at their hands. "Look who his dad is." Before she had a chance to think, his arms made their way around her and his body was shaking. Her arms were instantly around his neck and she rested her chin on his shoulder, almost as if she were holding on for dear life. She never thought she'd witness the breaking of Elliot Stabler. It's not something she wanted to ever see him go through. She turned her face into his neck, and with her nose touching his ear, she whispered reassuring words to calm him down.

She doesn't know how long they stayed like that, it could have been anywhere from 5 minutes to an hour. His phone vibrated endlessly, but neither one of them seemed to care. The shaking stopped and he pulled back a little to look at her, his eyes moved from her eyes to her lips. God, she wanted to kiss him. More than anything, she wanted to taste his lips and never stop. She licked her lips at the thought, and as soon as she realized he might take that as an invitation, she stood up abruptly, her hands still in his. He was holding too tightly for her to retrieve her hands. Like she even wanted to. She smiled softly and pulled his hands up gently.

"Let's see if they have any updates." He reluctantly let go of her hands and took her words into consideration before standing up and straightening out his suit jacket.

Olivia led the way to the elevator, Elliot close behind the entire time. She felt his eyes raking over her body as they waited for the elevator. Her focus never left the round, white button. He knew she was on a date before this, nobody wears a semi-backless shirt, with skinny jeans, and pumps around the house for fun. Not to mention her makeup was drastically different than her "normal day at work" look. He stared, and as bad as he wanted to bring it up, he didn't. Thankfully. The elevator dinged and they both stepped inside, leaned against the wall, and waited for their floor. The silence wasn't awkward, despite having been wrapped in each other's arms for the better part of the last hour. It was different though. Tension filled, maybe.

The floor was a lot busier than when she first arrived. Elliot looked around the nurse station until he found a familiar woman. He trotted over and asked for updates with a shaky voice. She would never get used to seeing Elliot like this, hopefully she wouldn't have to.

"He's still in surgery, with his kind of injury, he could be in there for a couple more hours. The doctor did find the problem though. After surgery, if he makes it through the night without any complications, his chances will increase dramatically." Her eyes wandered the floor and back to Elliot. "That's all I have for now, I'll have a scrub nurse check up with you in about an hour with more, hopefully." She tightened her lips, patted his shoulder, and walked over to a patients room.

"I don't know about you, but I could use a drink." He would love nothing more than to leave the hospital, breathe fresh air, and get completely shit faced. But he couldn't. Not until he knew his son made it through surgery. Still, it sounded nice. "How about coffee, or in your case, tea?" She smiled briefly before turning around and leading the way, letting him know she was in. The way he remember little things about her made her heart swell and her stomach flutter. Maybe she would tell him that one day. Maybe.


	10. Chapter 10

**Huge thank you for reading & reviewing, it means the world to me. I go from having no inspiration to having too much, so I'll more than likely be posting another chapter within the next couple of days. Quick question: Should I wrap this fanfic up within the next 3 chapters, or let the story take me where it leads?**

What's that old saying? Microwave minutes are the longest minutes? They were wrong. You lose all sense of time when you're waiting for a loved one to come home. Seconds feel like years when you're without them, and years feel like seconds when you're with them. Everyone vows at some point in their life, to not take things for granted, but how long do those promises usually last? You have to go through something life altering to really mean something like that. And that's exactly what this was, life altering.

13 long hours after Olivia arrived at the hospital, they finally got news that Eli came through surgery and everything else was on a wait and see basis from there on out. Elliot's entire body relaxed at the news. He gripped the arm of his chair and smiled briefly at Olivia, her heart stopped and she looked back at the nurse, waiting for more information. They were informed Eli would most likely be sleeping for the rest of the night, but they could see him for a couple of minutes. Elliot shot up and moved towards his room as fast as his feet would take him without making a scene, Olivia followed. She always followed. As they approached the room, they slowed and walked in sync. Olivia waited outside the room, wanting Elliot to have a moment with his son, sleeping or not, Elliot needed to be alone with him.

When he emerged from the room, Olivia was sitting on the chair across the hall with her eyes closed. He couldn't help but smile at the sight, he knew she wasn't sleeping because he could still see worry evident on her face, but she still looked beautiful. She always did. He cleared his throat and her eyes were open in an instant, she shot up and moved towards him.

"How is he? How does he look?" Stupid, but fair question. She's been waiting for 13 hours, these are the questions she needs answered. She shifted on her feet and waited anxiously. Even though she's been sitting for the better part of the night, her feet were still killing her. These heels weren't going anywhere near her feet for at least the a year.

"He won't be too happy with his haircut when he wakes up, but that's a small price to pay considering the alternative." He shuddered at the thought and stared absently at her.

"What?" She felt like a spotlight has been put on her and she couldn't cease the blush that started to form.

"Nothing." He smiled and walked to the nurses desk to ask when visiting hours started.

She needed sleep, she was starting to get delusional because there's no way in hell, Elliot, her partner, her guy, was smiling in aw of her. Sleep sleep sleep. She walked to the elevator and waited for him to follow suit. When they got in the parking lot, Olivia suddenly remember she didn't ask Elliot for a ride. This whole leaving together thing felt completely normal. She stopped abruptly and pulled out her phone to busy herself.

"What are you doing?" He stopped when he didn't hear the sound of her heels. He looked just as confused her her.

"Calling a cab. My apartment is in the opposite direction and you need to get home and sleep. I don't want you to go out of your way."

"Are you kidding me?" He laughed and narrowed his eyes. "Get in the damn car, Liv. I'm taking you home." He walked to the car and opened the door for her, before moving around to get in.

She thought about it for a minute before following him. She took a deep breath and got in the passenger seat. He was looking at her again, she seen him out of the corner of her eye. She kept her focus ahead of her and leaned her head against the seat.

"You don't get to do that." Her words startled him, they've been driving in comfortable silence almost the whole way to her apartment. He furrowed his eyebrows and stopped at the red light before giving her his attention.

"Do what?" His voice was filled with genuine confusion, which made her look at him full on.

"Stare at me and smile for no reason. You don't get to do that." She kept her eyes trained on him and thank God the light turned green because he was staring too intensely. He looked taken aback and she was coming undone. He broke the eye contact and forced himself to focus on driving. They rounded the corner and she unbuckled her seat belt as he parked outside her apartment building.

Despite wanting to get out of the car moments earlier, she didn't want to leave his side. Maybe it's because she's tired, or maybe it's because she's finally coming to terms with the fact that she needs him in her life, she couldn't help herself from saying the next words out of her mouth.

"You can stay at my place tonight." Her eyes widened briefly before going back to normal. Jesus Christ. "I mean, it's closer to the hospital and traffic is a bitch." Good save. She shrugged at him nonchalantly before getting out and strolling up the stairs to her building, expecting him to drive off. She heard the car door shut and she couldn't help but smile. Fidgeting with the keys, she finally opened the door when he reached the top step. Normally she'd take the stairs but with the way her feet felt, the elevator won her over. They got in the elevator and he pressed her floor number. She stared at him out of the corner of her eye. He looked exhausted but content, despite Eli still being in the hospital. His hands rested comfortably in his suit pockets as he leaned against the elevator wall.

She opened her apartment door and kicked her shoes off before entering completely. He laughed as she sighed. The sounds went together like a melody and she closed her eyes momentarily to revel in thought. She made her way to the kitchen while he locked the door and hung up his suit jacket. Olivia pulled out two wine glasses and absently rubbed a kink in her neck.

"I'll pour us some wine, why don't you go shower and slip into something more comfortable." She jumped at his deep, raspy voice and the proximity, if she leaned back just a little bit, she would be leaning against his chest. The thought calmed her speeding heartbeat.

"I should be saying that to you." She focused solely on making her voice sound like she wasn't affected by the closeness. She couldn't breathe, in a good way. Moving to her right, she wasn't caged by his body anymore which leveled out the playing field. She turned around and leaned against the island counter, watching his every move. She would feel a lot better in pajamas. "I'll be quick, no more than 5 minutes. I just want the heat from a hot shower to soothe my feet." She realized she was giving him too many details when his eyes darkened.

"Take your time." He cleared his throat before opening the fridge and grabbing the wine.

She was on her heels before he turned around. She never ceased to be obvious about her feelings and she hated it. Closing her bedroom door, she stripped her clothes off piece by piece before walking into her bathroom to turn the hot water on. She stepped inside the shower and instantly felt relief. The heat soothed her bones and she quickly washed and rinsed her hair before grabbing a towel and wrapping it around her. She decided to wear a tank top with pajama pants. All the shorts she owned were too short, she didn't want to make it any harder than it already was. Knowing he'd want to get a shower, she placed her big NYPD t-shirt down on the bed for him when he was ready. She towel dried her hair and emerged from the bedroom ten minutes later.

He leaned against the kitchen counter with a glass of wine in his hand. He looked domestic and comfortable and she smiled at the sight. This is something she could easily get used to.

"See something you like?" He raised his eyebrow before grinning. Eyeing her body up and down. She didn't mind it one bit.

"Don't flatter yourself, Stabler. I'm smiling at that glass of wine." She laughed and they both knew she was lying. She made her way to the stools by the island and sat before grabbing her glass and taking a long sip. Content. That's how she was feeling. Her eyes never left his as they finished their wine.

He cleared his throat and put his glass in the sink before walking over to her and grabbing her empty glass, following his previous action. Walking around the island, he stopped next to her and loosened his tie.

"Mind if I take a shower?" His voice was enough to arouse her and if she didn't focus on something other than a wet, Elliot Stabler, she'd probably start drooling.

"I put a shirt on the bed for you." Those are the only words she could think of other than 'take me to bed.'

His smile was cocky and he lingered longer than necessary before walking towards her room, leaving the door open. She heard the bathroom door close and the shower start. She let out a long, shaky breath before her mind helped itself to images of him in her shower.

This was gonna be a long night.


End file.
